Self-destructive thoughts are entering my mind. I can’t make them stop or go away. I feel the need to act on them. I want to runaway and have some adventurous affair. I want to be sexually devoured in a way that only one man has been able to do to some degree. I want more of it and unfortunately this man is not my husband. My husband is good to me but I want something more. I need adventure! I need my freedom! I don’t feel like I’m manic but I may be. I’m bored with life and all the responsibility that comes with it. I don’t want to have a care in the world. I want to deplete the bank account and take a trip. Just close my eyes and point to a place on the map. Oh, what fun that would be. The things I could do and the fun that I could have.
I’m trying to keep it together and not self-destruct but it’s getting harder by the day!
Confused&Bipolar 
Hun, your manic. I’m bipolar as well and I COMPLETELY understand your thoughts. Ride it out. Find an anchor.
It sounds like you are manic. Please see your doctor ASAP!
Bipolar is a spectrum disorder and while some may seem to ride out the mania (I don’t see how anyone can ride out true mania [possibly hypomania] especially once you bottom out, and usually in mania suicide rates are higher). You need to call your doctor for a possible dosage change on meds. I hope you reach out and get the help you need.